It's a jungle out there, Linus

 

... and that's why we keep you inside with us.

A little levity from the e-mail bag

I'm tired of waiting all day for the arrival of that mean Irene. It's nerve-wracking!

Thought I'd share something I got in my e-mail yesterday, just for giggles.

~ ~ ~

A crusty old man walks into the local Catholic church and says to the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church."


The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, Sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"


"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church."


The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the priest's study to
inform him of her situation.


The priest agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that
 foul language..
They both return to her office and the priest asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"


"There is no problem," the man says. "I just won 20 million dollars in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money."


"I see," said the priest. "And is this bitch giving you a hard time?

I couldn't agree more

"People on walkie talkies in the grocery enrage me."


nataliedee.com


And I liked this one from last week...


nataliedee.com

Check out Natalie Dee and you'll find some cute comics to brighten your day!

Thursday chuckle ;-)

Jake was on his deathbed while his wife, Becky, maintained a steady vigil by his side.
As she held his fragile hand, her warm tears ran silently down her face, splashed onto his, and roused him from his slumber.
He looked up and his pale lips began to quiver with sound. "My darling Becky," he whispered. "Hush, my love," she said. "Go back to sleep Shhh! Don't talk." But he was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice. "I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you." "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky. "It's all right. Everything's all right, go to sleep now." "No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I slept with your sister, your best friend and our next door neighbor."
Becky mustered a pained smile and stroked his hand.
"Hush now Jake, don't torment yourself. I know all about it," she said. "Why do you think I poisoned you?"

From the e-mail bag

Dear friends,
On Saturday I started a new blog. It's called The Roquefort Files and I hope you visit.
Ralph will be a guest contributor.
And there may be others.

I know this cartoon is hard to read, but squint! It's worth it.

P.S. Or like Joan said, just click to enlarge ~

Fat chance

marriedtothesea.com

Friday fun

Dipping into the e-mail bag today:

**A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife
stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

**"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife
merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please
allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen. **

**God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next
morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked
breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes,
fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came
home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped
at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to
put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the check book. He
cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already
1P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and
sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids
and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and
cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the
ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began
peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork
chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. **

**After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded
laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was
exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed
where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through
without complaint. **

**The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:
- "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my
wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh! oh! please, let us
trade back." **

**The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel You have
learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way
they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got
pregnant last night." **

Fitness factor escalates

Guess I'm not up to blogging. I just may have too many topics on my mind and can't sift through them to focus on something about which to write.
Anyway, I got this as part of an e-mail full of silly photos yesterday. The caption was "Only in America." I've seen it before, and maybe you have too.
;-)